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DAAT · LEVEL 1 — INTRODUCTION

Siman ע״ג · Sleeping beside one's wife and children

דין הישן עם אשתו ובניו איך יתנהג — the conduct of one who sleeps beside his household: two under one cloth, their flesh touching — טלית מפסקת ממתניהם ולמטה; his wife — בחזרת פנים דחשיבה כגופו; his children small or grown; the שיעור of minority
סימן ע״ג · ד׳ סעיפים
דין הישן עם אשתו ובניו איך יתנהג
🌱 Introductory level · Beginners
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This siman teaches the conduct at the time of the ק״ש for one who sleeps beside his household, its guiding idea being צניעות: two under one cloth, their flesh touching, do not read the ק״ש until a cloth separates them from the waist downward; his wife — he reads by turning his face (חזרת פנים), דחשיבה כגופו; his children small or grown; and the שיעור of minority. Hebrew text, fluent English translation and explanation of the ד׳ seifim, with a section of practical cases.

Topic: The conduct of one who sleeps beside his wife and children — טלית מפסקת, אשתו כגופו, שיעור קטנות
Source: שולחן ערוך אורח חיים סימן ע״ג · ד׳ סעיפים

Compiled by: רב יוסף חיים סממה
DAAT · daattorah.com

Our Sages taught (ברכות כ״ד.) that anything which leads to an improper thought (הרהור) at the time of the ק״ש is like an ערוה, for it is said «ולא יראה בך ערות דבר». Hence: two who sleep under one cloth, their flesh touching, do not read the ק״ש until a cloth separates them from the waist downward. The siman teaches the conduct (איך יתנהג) according to whether it is his wife or his children, small or grown. We study here at the level of principle; for personal conduct, one refers to the custom and to the ruling of the Rav.

📑 Study outline

A. The ד׳ seifim — טלית מפסקת (séif 1), אשתו כגופו (séif 2), בניו קטנים / גדולים (séif 3), שיעור קטנות (séif 4)
1. Practical case — the separating cloth (טלית מפסקת ממתניהם ולמטה)
2. Practical case — sleeping beside one's wife (חזרת פנים דחשיבה כגופו)
3. Practical case — the children's age (שיעור קטנות: י״ב / י״א)
+ Comprehension questions and going further

A. Sleeping beside one's household — the ד׳ seifim

הַיָּשֵׁן עִם אִשְׁתּוֹ וּבָנָיו — one who sleeps beside his wife and children — the concern is צניעות at the time of the ק״ש: the touch of flesh may lead to an improper thought (הרהור), and כל דבר המביא לידי הרהור נקרא ערוה. Hence one general rule — two under one cloth need a טלית מפסקת ממתניהם ולמטה — followed by distinctions: his wife (כגופו), his small children, his grown children, and the שיעור that defines minority.

Séif 1 — טלית מפסקת: the separating cloth

שנים שהיו ישנים בטלית אחד ובשר שניהם נוגעים זה בזה — לא יקראו קריאת שמע, אלא אם כן היתה טלית מפסקת ביניהם ממתניהם ולמטה.
Séif 1: two lying under one cloth, whose flesh touches one another — do not read the ק״ש, unless a cloth separates between them from their waist downward (ממתניהם ולמטה).
The reason is צניעות: the touch of flesh may lead to an improper thought (הרהור) at the time of reading, and this is forbidden משום «ולא יראה בך ערות דבר». The remedy is a טלית מפסקת separating them from the waist downward; with that separation they may read.

Séif 2 — אשתו כגופו: sleeping beside one's wife

אם היה ישן עם אשתו — קורא בחזרת פנים לצד אחר, ואפילו בלא הפסקת טלית, משום דחשיבה כגופו ; ויש מי שאוסר, ונכון לחוש לדבריו.
Séif 2: if he was sleeping beside his wife — he reads by turning his face to the other side (בחזרת פנים), and even without a cloth separation, since she is considered like his own body (כגופו); and there is an authority who forbids it, and it is proper to heed his words.
Beside his wife, the Torah regards her as כגופו — like his own body — so that there is not the same concern of הרהור, since he is accustomed to her. The Mechaber therefore rules that it suffices to turn the face (חזרת פנים), even without a טלית מפסקת. But יש מי שאוסר — an authority who requires a separation even here — and the Mechaber adds that it is proper to heed his words (ונכון לחוש לדבריו).

Séif 3 — בניו קטנים וגדולים: his children small and grown

אם היה ישן עם בניו בעודם קטנים — מותר לקרות בחזרת פנים בלא הפסקת טלית ; ואם הם גדולים — צריך להפסקת טלית.
Séif 3: if he was sleeping beside his children while they are still small (בעודם קטנים) — it is permitted to read by turning the face without a cloth separation; and if they are grown — a cloth separation is required.
As long as the children are small, there is no concern of הרהור from the contact, and it suffices to turn the face without a טלית מפסקת. Once they are grown, they are like any other person of séif 1 — a טלית מפסקת is then required. When is a child considered "grown"? That is the subject of the next séif.

Séif 4 — שיעור קטנות: the age of minority

עד כמה הם חשובים קטנים — התינוק עד שיהיו לו י״ב שנים, והתינוקת עד שיהיו לה י״א שנים, ואפילו הביאו ב׳ שערות מותר ; ובשנת י״ג לתינוק וי״ב לתינוקת אם הביאו ב׳ שערות אסור בלא הפסק, ואם לא הביאו ב׳ שערות מותר ; ומשנת י״ג ואילך לתינוק וי״ב לתינוקת אפילו לא הביאו ב׳ שערות אסור.
Séif 4: until what age are they considered small? The boy until he is י״ב שנים (12 years) old, and the girl until she is י״א שנים (11 years) old — and even if they produced ב׳ שערות (two hairs) within that time, it is permitted. In the 13th year for the boy and the 12th for the girl: if they produced ב׳ שערות it is forbidden without a separation, and if they did not produce ב׳ שערות it is permitted. And from the 13th year on for the boy and the 12th for the girl, even without ב׳ שערות it is forbidden.
Three stages by age. (1) Until י״ב for the boy and י״א for the girl — considered small, even with ב׳ שערות. (2) The turning year (13th for the boy, 12th for the girl) — it depends on the ב׳ שערות. (3) From there on — grown in any case. Thus the שיעור precisely fixes the passage from קטן (séif 3, without a separation) to גדול (séif 1, requiring a separation).
The siman in one sentence: two who sleep under one cloth, their flesh touching, do not read the ק״ש without a טלית מפסקת ממתניהם ולמטה (concern of הרהור); beside his wife it suffices to turn the face, דחשיבה כגופו, yet ונכון לחוש to the יש מי שאוסר; beside his small children — בחזרת פנים בלא הפסקה, and grown — צריך הפסקת טלית; the שיעור: a boy until י״ב, a girl until י״א.

Practical cases

Case 1 — The separating cloth

Situation: two people lie under one cloth, their flesh touching, and the time of the ק״ש arrives. What to do?
Conduct: as long as the flesh touches without a separation, they do not read the ק״ש (nor words of holiness), out of concern for הרהור. One must interpose a טלית מפסקת from the waist downward; with that separation they may read. For the details of the separation, one follows one's Rav.

Case 2 — Sleeping beside one's wife

Situation: he sleeps beside his wife and wishes to read the ק״ש. Is a separation required?
Conduct: according to the Mechaber, she is כגופו, so that it suffices to turn the face (חזרת פנים) even without a טלית מפסקת. However, יש מי שאוסר and ונכון לחוש לדבריו — it is proper to heed the stricter view. For the practical conduct, one follows one's Rav.

Case 3 — The children's age (small or grown)

Situation: he sleeps beside his child and wishes to know whether the child is still "small" for this din. How is it measured?
Conduct: the boy is considered small until י״ב שנים and the girl until י״א שנים; within that time, even with ב׳ שערות, one reads בחזרת פנים בלא הפסקה. The turning year depends on the ב׳ שערות, and beyond it the child is grown and a טלית מפסקת is required. For the application, one follows one's Rav.

Comprehension questions

Check your understanding:
  1. Why do two people whose flesh touches under one cloth not read the ק״ש (séif 1)?
  2. What is a טלית מפסקת and how far must it separate?
  3. Why, beside his wife, does it suffice to turn the face, and what does כגופו mean (séif 2)?
  4. What is the difference between sleeping beside small and grown children (séif 3)?
  5. What is the שיעור that turns קטן into גדול for the boy and for the girl (séif 4)?

Going further

If you wish to deepen this siman:
Continue to the next simanSiman 74 →
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DAAT · רב יוסף חיים סממה

סימן ע״ג · ד׳ סעיפים · Level 1 — Introduction
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